The first time I met you, I was 8
In children's church wanting so badly to play the part of Mary
But they didn't choose me, they chose her
I wondered if it was my dark skin that set me apart, or my introverted shyness
What was it that made them overlook me and choose her?
I remember the gnawing on my inside, growing into something it shouldn't be
She was my friend
She travelled. I was her replacement
Ignoring the fact that I maintained her name in the play
I gave the performance of a lifetime wanting so badly to be an unerasable memory
Etched in their brains
I wanted to erase her from their minds and insert myself in her place
The goal was to replace her
And I did, for the time being
It has always been my dream to be an unforgettable melody
This is how you came to stay
You snuck your way into my heart finding your balance in the dark
I ignored you but you came again
Years later, when the boy I liked liked someone else
You whispered in my ears that she looked better, smiled better
Even laughed better
While mine was a rough cacophony of awkwardness
Hers was a tender melody settling in long after the sound had stopped
You sold me lies of how I wasn't enough and in my folly, I believed you
You hijacked my reason and influenced my motives
This competitive perfectionist that I claimed to be was just you disguising
And so the show began
You tugging me in ugly directions, me following your lead haphazardly
You coloured me green with envy masked in growing pride
You were the choreographer and I was your naive muse
Until the music in my head finally stopped
And I could see you for who you are
A thief of joy
A caricature of perfection
I didn't need you to be better
All you do is lie
And on the days when you dare to come back knocking
I remind myself that I am content
I take a deep breath as I say out loud
There is no room for comparison in this heart of mine