She looks at me and says that she can't help but feel depressed
But darling, looking at the life we've been given, how could you feel any less than grateful?
Sometimes it's hard to feel thankful for something when all it reminds you of are the times when you had nothing left to give
The times that ate you alive to the point where you questioned if you wanted to live
As she looked for all the bad that she could, it hid all of the good that reigned true
Looking only for the downsides and faults of everything, but with eyes half open
Not seeing all that she had been given, but only what she wanted
And when I told her that that life that we had created in our dreams could never be, she finally gave way and fell to her knees
The stones covering the ground sank into her bones, like the pain that those words carried as they dug into her back
Those words etched with the date in September, remained as a permanent reminder for what she lost
But after all was said and done, I was the one that walked away with the most pain
I was the one that walked away knowing that I had ruined any chance that I had at actually being happy
I thought this was what she wanted, I thought this was what I needed to finally make something of my empty, drawn-out life…
Maybe it's because I find happiness in sorrow, or the fact that I've never let anything good blossom in my life.
No matter the reasoning, the fact of the matter is... I'm alone again.
Chasing away my pride and joy just so the pit in my stomach can grow an inch deeper each day.
And with every single inch that it grows, and every single cigarette that touches my lips, I find it harder to make it through another day
That short buzz sure does the trick, but after packs a day you can watch yourself as you literally decay
I've seen myself fall apart more than I'd like to admit.
Sometimes almost like a standby, watching everything that I once loved come crashing down and fall at my feet.
But I think the worst part was... that I felt nothing.
Not even sadness or guilt, or anything that reminded me of being human.
I was numb to everything and everyone.
I had lost the only part of me that could still feel
And yet I continued to push you away
Maybe I thought it'd bring peace or some kind of feeling back in my life
But when you chase out all of the light in your life, you also let the dark replace it…
I never thought that I'd see the day, as I watch myself destroy the better part of me
Cutting off what I lack hoping that it would bring clarity.
Seeking what life would be like only half lived
But regardless of what I sought after, the fact of the matter is….I'm alone again