Got a bag of candy collected Halloween Biggest bag of candy I had ever seen Had to have it X-rayed before I had a treat To be sure a psycho hadn't put a razor in my sweets Boo! Hear the ghosts and the goblins cry They get to wishin' for the days gone by When the little kids were frightened, it is said Only by the ghouls who were dead Trick or treatin' at the mall scare the preppies at the Gap Especially if your costume isn't politically correct The mall can't give out candy 'cause of a lawsuit that they had But here's a coupon for a futon in the bottom of your bag Mommy and Daddy follow in the minivan Mace and a cellphone in their nervous hands It's hard to spook the neighbors into givin' nuts and loot When you're a ninja in a down coat at four in the afternoon ...only by the ghouls who were dead Only by the ghouls who were... deaaaaaad (Witch cackle)