Dear valued customer
Your call is important
Stay on the line
Your call will be answered
In the order it's been received
Dear valued customer
Thanks for waiting on hold
And I'm happy to assist you today
I see in my system that you filed a ticket
About your loneliness
And were not satisfied with our service
I can understand how frustrated you must feel
You know I feel frustrated sometimes
Anyway, what's your member number?
It's the 9 digit code on your invoice
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
Dear first name variable
I've asked our department manager
To escalate your ticket of loneliness
We appreciate your patience
Just send proof of ID
That your first name is valued
And your last name is customer
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
Thanks for your patience
Let me direct you to our creativity department
Where you can learn how to
Express your inner feelings
In healthier ways
Than berating a call center operator
Trying to assist you today
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
We're here to help
Dear valued customer
Dear valued customer
Dear valued customer
Are you still on the line?