It seems the Ritalin wasn't effective as I'd guessed it was
Focus ain't a great exchange for straight up anorexia
See I love ingesting vegetables, breakfast and Lexapro
Too sad for my appetite, have half a bite I'm ready to go
I never could know leveling those friendly ole chemicals so
Would leave me feeling shaken, complacent with bones that never can grow
Taste it, every regret displaced it softly
Pouring all of my problems into a goblet of coffee
Raw coughing and sneezing into my sleeve and wiping it off me
Awfully tired at all times regardless how long I got sleep
What's wrong with me? I wanna be done with healing
But really when food's in front of me something is just so unappealing
The gut of my stomach squealing, I'm reeling in suffering from the feeling
But shoveling something to munch is such a much tougher ordeal then
Sealed in a body that barely can pull off living
They tell me "well it's a temple" but seldom receives an offering
Alternating the knees I've been falling upon, I'm faltering
But after all I haven't the gall or guts to start to alter things
Nutrition can be a bitch working shifts in the kitchen
Dishing out different dishes bewitched by the shit you're missing
I stare over there at the fridge thinking maybe there's something different within it
Intrepidly gripping the handle, it is so bland I figure I'll give in and quit it
Sick of this wicked addiction, what was delicious transitioned into a bitter prescription
Thirty milligrams, no dirty dishes
Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist
Either way I would decide to describe it as fine the way it is
Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist
Either way I'd be inclined to describe it as fine the way it is
Forever I may exist making sense of this pain within
And although it might be that I think I'm dying, it's fine the way it is
Remembering when life was vibrant, the shades of grey persist
Either way I would've lied and described it as fine the way it is
So what's the fussing about? Hoping I'm growing the muscle men out
But choosing the other route, snoozing and pouting, refusing inducing a gluttonous mouth
Want to be studded but don't got the stomach to shovel the crud right upon it
Pumpkin you're not gonna leave this fucking house until you have eaten your Brussels sprouts
Stomach ruptured, I muster the gumption to scrunch up my face
And engage in consumption of something scrumptious and sumptuous
A munchkin, shrunken and wondering what's in his lunches
Hunched over alone, his rumbling tummy devouring bupkis
Fuck it, this isn't fun but son the misery really ain't shit now
Jocks be rocking them guns, but I be the one who's whipping them twigs out
Like suns out ribs out, ancient lunch lady purveying and ladling gravy
Over filleted human babies paired with rabies in pig snout
Delicious, stuck in a vicious cycle living the life
Revisiting visions of clinical intervention, internment in a prison of mine
Shit if the shivering wasn't a sign, I could've pretended I really was fine
Instead of indefinitely switching different prescriptions every minute down the line
I must attest these meds are the best for the deficit
Like yes I'm focused, but on my restlessness and self-neglect from it
But hey, penmanship's excellent, I'm incredibly 'head of my schedule
And better yet already started the letter addressed fresh to my next of kin
Oh, did I mention when them trembling limbs attempt to grip
Slippery cliffs it tends to get strenuous for them to uplift?
Buying a trial to try it next, pile of meds for the side effects
Debt I'm in steadily higher yet mentally deadening every time I invest
I digress, annually family renders me flummoxed
Wondering how we lumber around our houses stuffing our stomachs
While the planet is crumbling 'round us and tumbling down, we're drowning but fuck it
Don't make a sound, focus on what is in front of you
Shut up and shovel your hummus, muh'fuckas
Forever I may exist making sense of this hate and rage
Saying grace when the Lord giveth, complaining whenever he taketh away
Try to race but the pain persists, pay no mind to the wasted dish
You could try and I'd lie to your face like it's fine the way it is
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine, I'm fine
Depression's no joke, slow choke on a cold rope
Broke, bolstering no hope
Won't cope, so alone thrown
With broken bones dislocated going slow on a low slope
Mope, choking with no growth
Close to the edge and so closed
Oh no, oh so stoic, emotionless, provoked
Morose, doping and toping, fill in the holes of a stolen soul
Bestowed below the burrows overdosing on woe and stoge smoke
No cloak to hide behind and mostly solo yo
Go sulking and skulking, sullen and soaking in loathing
Croaking and moaning, groaning,
Skull exploding, swollen lymph nodes oh
Each moment denoted boding an omen unfolded
Rolled and pulled in multiple ways, the days corroding, it's so old
When happiness is the last thing we grasp alas we pretend to be
When you go peer in the mirror appearing inferior
Feeling that really the enemy's you
And you can't make it through
Never presented a clue, end is in view
When your one coveted comfort is "fuck it, I'll be dead eventually too"
Who takes up the slack when the world's breaking your back?
Making mistakes and you never can shake it away
Ain't no taking it back, no hope of staying intact
Wait and anticipate everything turning to hell and then fading to black
Hating the lack
Everyone laughing like that is what happens to those who would stray from the pack
Starting to feel like a martyr, sheep for the slaughter
Trying to breathe underwater
Every emotion is fake and numb
Hating to sleep when waking up keeps getting harder
Sorrow turns to the new norm, hollow becomes your true form
When wallowing in remorse and forcing smiles is your uniform
You were born to do more but your story in time would fade amiss
Used and worn, your hopes don't align like your life's a wasted wish
Try to take such a major risk, just to find that it ain't worth piss
With a smile on my face when I lie like it's fine the way it is