So what comes next, I want to ask her
What could be written down in this chapter
Was never really focused on the present, just after
Cuz all that I was after, has changed now that i've passed her
What would you like to happen, now that this has happened
Up to me to decide or are you the one to fathom
Make up for lost time, or accept this situation
Between us are two nations, and more then immigration
It's complex, language barriers more then text
Something large yet intimate that no one could expect
I need to stop and think at how crazy this is all sounding
It's only been a month and already I have been doubting
Already I have forgotten, not on purpose, but I confess
I have allowed myself to get back to how it was before we met
And it was easy, it'll grow easier, the longer time escapes
Is this something that you fear, or something you haven't faced
And if you never see my face, are you prepared for this
If we can never communicate then can we persist
These are very real questions, I doubt we'll ever answer
But it is what it has to be if we ever have a chance here
So what comes next, I have to ask me
And do it sooner then later before it pass me
Cuz if you had asked me back then how I'd be feeling
I would have told you I was fine, but my thoughts I was concealing
Because I wasn't ok, This information cut deep
The concept of a family was something foreign to me
I mean I love my family and everything, but I wasn't complete
It wasn't deceit, it was just a desire to meet
Which brought upon it such confusion and stress
I was becoming a mess, internally I just hoped for the best
I felt a little guilt for my father of who had just passed
So to meet my bio dad it was happening too fast
And what does blood truly mean anyways
Cuz the way that I was raised, it was never at play
So my relationship with others, I just took with a grain
Trying to figure out myself, with no one ever to blame
So can I blame you.
If I fucked up as a kid, can I say you
If I felt inner shame, does it it shame you
So let me say it in my own way
It doesn't matter what has happened, only what will change,
I don't know when I will see you, it could be years
Or whether we can make it, And these are fears
Legitimate fears that seem to haunt me now and then
That brought me to this pen, that I write to you and send
With words you'll never read, a place you've never known
A person you've never seen, emotions seem to roam
How can this grow, not just us, both the homes
Cuz even with more family, I'm feeling more alone