Hello, can I buy you a drink or ten?
You're twice my age, but you're twice as good-looking
Just tell me what I have to say, I may not be rich, but I'm still a damn good lay
I graduated high school with your son
Conceiving him must have been so much fun
I fucked it up, got way too drunk, and didn't play it off quite right
Now I gotta be the freak slipping away into the night
Defeat's never fun, and rejection memories stick out like a broken thumb
Welcome to the bar scene
I prob'ly woulda got V.D. anyway
But now she's off fucking some young stud
And my name's been dragged right through the mud
Sexual frustration doesn't quite do justice to this monumental fuck-up
This chance won't come again in a lifetime, oh no
It's self-inflicted; I'm so addicted to the ego stroke
But now the veil is lifted, and I've chased my tail and I'm alone and broke
Outside the window I watch and listen
As they fuck like animals in the kitchen
As I beat down the door, I scream, "Have you always been such a whore?"
I guess it's not my turn
But this constant masturbation burns
Hello, can you show me to the door?
I can't buy you a drink because I'm poor
I won't waste another breath on you, I gotta write this song, it's not over, yes, it's true
I graduated high school with your son, but masturbation's much more fun