There's a desert where a carnival
Hungry roams round and prowls
Waits to feed, but let's not speak of this now
A frontier town past the desert
Rests here in the queer and quite weird west
Let's stroll its streets as the sun creeps on down
Soon we come to the saloon
Let us stop
Shots, they are calling our name
Pray we must stay
We've come on quite a day
Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret
Look 'round the town's all here and more
Werewolves recline upon the floor
All is at last more like now than before
Tonight things that circle, wait and prey
Crouch far enough away, let's play
With your heart, see what it takes it to break
The light dies upon our pale lives
As it rises right now on the stage
Settle back in with your glass full of gin
For Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret
And now the cast who appears tonight
In our torrid tales of intrigue and delight
I am Helen, and I shall guide you through
Tales from our dear town which we'll regale to you
In every tale a hero must appear
And our sheriff, rugged true and brave is here
This week once again
He will face friends, I fear
The queen of crime, the sinister Han Mi
Whose exotic webs of intrigue and deceit
What dark oriental magic
She brings to us from the east
Yes, it's the tired dragon lady trope again!
Let's stick to the script this week!
Come see Han Mi, the lazy, racist caricature
From a small-minded, bigoted, asshat of a writer!
And of course my friends, we cannot forget
Our alchemist friend and secrets that he tends
Our curtain has risen, come join us my friends
Our town's like an address to an orgy
For tired tropes and pulp stories
Gaze on the floor once more
As they writhe and copulate
Your heart has such sublime ache
An iconic role you'll make, stay
One day you'll appear with us here on the stage
And stay, in this saloon, those still sane
Unite here each week for a play
Let's all drink a shot
Of whatever you've got
For Miss Helen's one pace from disgraced cabaret