How did we end up inside of these walls?
And what is this punishment for?
Apart from the murder and burning and pillaging
Stabbing and slaughtering? Sure
We just wanted glory and fame
Now we eat from a bucket and poop in a bucket too
So much undone, what a shame
So many NPCs we haven't stuck it to
But I will not die before I've laughed
I can't deny the world my shaft
This jail's rather understaffed
I may not be brave like a fighter, or magic, or strong
But sometimes the key can be found in a song
Get it? Key, ha!
I kill with charisma and cool captivation
Belting out bars of bardic inspiration
I'm the hardiest, bardiest bard
Antrius brings salvation
Timing and tenderness, terribly talented
Topped with a bit of alliteration (ahem)
Sorry
Evandra with her mighty strength
Of many men, goes to any length
She throws a fist, she'll leave you in a daze (I'll leave you in a daze)
And Nixie says concerning things
Then mostly ends up burning things
But that's still cool, she'll set the world ablaze (I'll set the world ablaze)
A fireball, surprising
Why do I hear harmonizing?
Why is he on his back?
Spontaneous heart attack
What?
Spontaneous heart attack
Okay, well explain the fire
Aah!
When you're down and you're out
And there's problems aplenty
You'll always come through with a natural 20
Ready to face all the foes in our way
But anyone can be undone by any one
But not today
♪
Doesn't this slap?
Damn, best song I ever wrote
Helping my best friends punch a guy in the throat
So on our game, look at us go
No "I" in team, there's an "A" though
Which stands for Antrius
Badily, badibly, bapbidly, bapbapbap
Fighting valiantly for our cause
Swords and metal can settle scores
Screams can sound so much like applause
Just close your eyes
Everyone dies
We're products of our milieu
We're sexy, but we'll kill you
Everything's broken and charred
We're half-elf, pink, and the bard
♪
Am I dying?
Slip into bliss, you can rest in my hands
No more on this mortal coil shall you dance
I see a light
Walk towards it then
You'll never see your ugly children again
What?
Or your awful wife, or your tiny house
Or your measly food, or your tacky goblets
Or your cracked crockery and dishes
Why?
My mockery is vicious
♪
When you're down and you're out
And there's problems aplenty
You'll always come through with a natural 20
Ready to face all the foes in our way (ready to face all the foes in our way)
But anyone can be undone by any one
But not today
La-la-la-la-la-la-la
La-la-la-la-la
We'll always pass the test
No matter how we're vexed
And now? Another quest!
Where should three heroes go next?