Of all the places in the world you'd choose to be If you're here early, we'll go out and find a tree I'm sharpening the axe We'll drag it home behind us for to cover up our tracks What else would you do, there couldn't possibly Be anything worth watching on TV You know there never is Just children's choirs and candle fires and other yuletide fears I've never seen snow This side of celsius is all I'll ever know We're just happy for the slightest breeze to blow And wind-up teeth that chatter Everyone's drunk by twelve o'clock By then it doesn't matter Complete mad confusion in the shopping centre I'll meet you at the centre and we'll run And point our rayguns at the pagans Now that you're far from home and living family Maybe it's just as you imagined it to be If you ever needed proof These paper walls could never hold a reindeer on the roof