Five years ago last Sunday Patty Clancy took a wife
'Twas Little Bridget at Haley who would to fix to him for life
So he gave a wooden wedding the event to celebrate
And he sent out invitations to his friends both small and great
Now everyone was supposed to bring a present made of wood
Some of the things they brought were bad and some were very good
But everyone who came they did the very best they could
When Clancy had a weddin' made of wood
Well there were all kinds of wood brought to the house that night
Soft wood and hard wood and kindling wood delight
Wood and wooden shavings enough to fill a bed
'Twas brought to Clancy's house when he was five years wed
Now the first one to get there was Pat O'Hoolihan,
He brought for a present a Japanese fan
Then came Maloney as neat as a pin
He brought a cradle for to rock the baby in
O'Brien brought a sawhorse handsomely engraved
O'Toole brought a cord of wood for which he didn't pay
Murphy brought the clothespins and Ryan brought a broom
And it looked as though a lumberyard exploded in the room
And there was
Wood that came from China, wood that came from Spain
Wood from Jerusalem across the ragin' main
Wood that came from Russia sent by the Csar
Wood that came from Ireland enough to build a car
Wood that came from Scotland, wood that came from jails
Wood that came from England, wood that came from Wales
They passed around the whiskey and they passed around the ale
And if the glasses wasn't big enough they used a wooden pail
Everyone was feelin' good no one was feelin' dry
All around the glory and the glory it was high
Someone asked Clancy, "Would he sing a song?"
Clancy said he would, but his voice was gone
Up jumped Maloney and he gave a recitation
All about the kind of wood that grew in every nation
"Begorra such a racket I can't keep it mum!"
O'Brien called Maloney an educated bum
So up jumped Maloney and he gave him such a whack
It raised up a hump in the middle of his back
That was the signal and they all began to fight
And the women hollared, "Murder!" and they said it wasn't right
O'Brien threw the frying pot and he threw the frying pan
Murphy threw the poker and it hit O'Hoolihan
Patrick lost his false teeth and through the window dove
Maloney sat down on a red hot stove
There was all kinds of wood went flyin' through the air
Brady hit O'Grady with the round of a chair
Murphy grabbed Sullivan and threw him on the bed
Stabbed him with a clothespin and left him there for dead
Police got twenty five and thirty got away
They took then up before the judge the very next day
The judge looked them over as before him they stood
He gave them sixty days in jail... now they're all sawing wood