When the city casts its shadows in the pale light of the moon And the creeps creep in their jack wills' slacks from neon-fronted tombs You'll feel the cold air at your back and know that he's there Laboured are the passes made by stout unfinished youths At uninterested ladies whom they'd so love to abuse And in their wake to stake his claim you know he'll be there Stay calm Bolt your doors, remain calm It's yuppie dracula As scarlet as this hue pervades these rat-infested dumps Are his twinkling eyes soaked in the fires of lechery and lust Always watching for the next poor soul he'll catch unaware All for the harlots, turned-up collars, oversized and overprices Pinstriped, perfumed, paying through the nose in wine bars where the ladies wait in line And in the morning light he'll cease to be there. Stay calm Bolt your doors, remain calm This is not a nightmare, remain calm It's yuppie dracula Farewell the drunken, buxom maidens laden with vermouth For whom the liquor may prove hinderance to fidelity and truth When the pratfall and the gutter call you know he'll be there Stay calm Bolt your doors, remain calm This is not a nightmare, remain calm It's yuppie dracula