L wanna tell you one story,
Ahh.
This was...
The best meal i've ever had
In my life
Alright?
This happened when i was eleven years old
In Chiago illinois
Where i grew up
And it took place at a little
Uh
Resteraunt called
"The Salt and Pepper Diner"
Which was a family resteraunt
In the city
(Guy raises his hand)
Yes, yes you know the salt and pepper diner?
Its a wonderful family resteraunt
In
In
Chicago
Which means it caters to mainly teenagers
And homeless schizophrenics
Now i go into this place one day
When i'm eleven with
My best friend John
And i should say that his name
Is also john
I'm not calling myself my own bestfriend
It's a seperate human being
We walk into the Salt and Pepper diner one day
And they had a jukebox there
Alright?
And the jukebox
Was three plays for a dollar
So we put in
SEVEN DOLLARS
And selected 21 plays of tom jones'
"What's new pussycat"
Hahaha
And then we ordered and waited
Here's the thing about
When "What's new pussycat" Plays
Over and over and over and over and over again
The second time it plays
You're immediate thought
Is not
"Hey! someones playing Whats's new pussycat again"
It's "Hey... What's new pussy cat is a lot LONGER than i first thought"
"And it has like... a Dip in the middle"
You know how some songs have a dip
Like "Gun's and roses", "November rain"
And your like...
"Hey!! November rain's over!!"
"No it's not...
There's more"
The third time it plays
Your thinking
"Maybe someone's playing What's new pussycat again"
The FOURTH time it plays your thinking...
"WOAH"
"Someone just played What's new pussycat FOUR times!"
Or Atleast
Someone played it twice
But its really long song
So...
The FIFTH time is the kicker
Now we're watching the ENTIRE diner at this point
MOST people have gotten wind as to what's going on
And we're staring at this One guy
He's sitting in his booth
And his like, hand is shaking
While his stupid kids jump around
And like he's been onto us since the beginning
And he's staring at his coffee cup like this
And there's his look on his face
Like
Aww
Like he just got his thirty day chip from anger management
And he's staring like this...
And the fourth play fades out...
It's dead quiet...
And then
I dont know if you know this...
But the song begins very suddenly...
BWUAAH BWUAOOH
"WHAT's NEW PUSSYCAT?"
And the guy goes
GOOOOODDAMMIT!!!!
And pounds on the table
And silverwear flies everywhere
And it was faaaantastic!
But a word about my friend John
And what a genius he was
Because...
When we were first up in the jukebox
And when we were punching in
The "What's new pussycat"s
Alright?
I punched in about seven...
And then john says to me
"Hey, hey, hey wait... Before we drop in another What's new pussycat"
Let's put in ONE
"It's not unusual"
And that is when the afternoon went from GOOD to GREAT
After 7 "What's new pussycat"s
In a ROW
...Suddenly
"Dum ts nunum ts dum ts nunununununum"
"It's not unusual "
And the SIGH of RELIEF
Has SWEPT through the diner
People were ECSTATIC!!!
It was like the liberation of france!!
You know for years scientists
Have wondered...
"Can you make grown men and women weep tears of joy by playing Tom Jones'-It's not unusual"?
And the answer is...
YES
You can
"As long as it's proceeded by seven Whats New Pussycat's"
And on the other hand
When we went back...
Holy Shit!
"It's not unusual" fades out...
It's dead quiet...
"BWaAaAh BwOa"
"WHAT's NEW PUSSYCAT?!?"
People went fucking insane!
No one could handle it!
No one could handle it!
And they were surrounded by
This like seemingly different staff
That was just like
"Yep same shit as always"
My ONLY wish is that one of the SCHIZOPHRENICS
Stood up and have been like
"Now YOU know"
"Now YOU know what it is like to live in my brain"
They unplugged the jukebox
After ELEVEN plays
And THAT was the best meal i've ever had