Don't move to Chowchilla Yeah, It's not where you wanna be You're kids'll start smoking crystal meth And the cops might touch your teens Don't move to Chowchilla Yeah, this town's slashed down its seams The only thing saggier than these eyes Is everyone's fucking jeans You say this place just smells like piss I say "smells like home sweet home" Nothing makes me happier Than a kids mouth filled with foam Walking down Robertson is like Playing real life laser tag The kids all wanna leave and when they Do they're not coming back Don't move to Chowchilla Don't even visit or say hi You can try to hop a train but even they don't wanna stop by Don't move to Chowchilla Unless you want pink eye Don't even step foot or else you might get a UTI You say this place just smells like piss I say "smells like home sweet home" Nothing makes me happier Than a kids mouth filled with foam Walking down Robertson is like Playing real life laser tag The kids all wanna leave and when they Do they're not coming back