I didn't want it to be this way
I never wanted it to be this way
Got people checkin' on me askin' me if I'm ok
Appreciate it but my answer is always the same
Tired of myself, i wish i could get out my brain
All these thoughts and these feelings are driving me insane
Wish i could do this, wish i could do that
Wish i could just wake up and focus
Without dealing with all the stress of existing
Feelings of enjoyment and excitement feel distant
I know I'm not alone, i just want someone to listen
To the things i have to say
To the shit i have to deal with every night and through the day
But it doesn't help that i always push everyone away
My emotions keep on telling me that I'll only be safe
In the dark, keep it all in my heart
Keep it inside and let it tear me apart
Every night i cry cause i don't know where to start
Even now as i try to let it out in my art
I've never had this kind of problem with my mental health
It's even gone as far as making me consider death
I don't think I'll ever do it but the thoughts are there
No matter how much i deny it, i know people care
Everyday i try to fight it, try to hide it
Try to keep it to myself so i don't pull others inside it
It's not like i run from help, but that "solution's" really not it
Cause I'll still feel like I'm always the problem with or without it
I'm caught in a cycle
I didn't want it to be this way
I never wanted it to be this way
I'm caught in a cycle
I didn't want it to be this way
I didn't want it to be this way
I never wanted it to be this way
I never wanted it to be this way
I didn't want it to be this way
I never wanted it to be this way