You can keep yer slopes at Aviemore an' yer Alps of Eastern France,
To yer winter sports in Austria we wouldn't go given the chance.
Where do the "Oldham top knobs" go to gain their winter thrill?
Oh they don their togs an' they point their clogs to the ski slopes on Counthill.
Oh this Oldham sporting focal point fills us wi' Civic Pride,
There's folk comes up from Hollinwood an' Mumps an' Shaw beside.
To the Highfield après-ski lodge they come from near and far,
An' they sup mild beer wi' polluted ice from the glacier at Grains Bar.
Oh you've seen 'em ski a la Françoise wi' lumps o' wood on t' feet.
If you've ne'er seen skiin' Owdham style, you've missed a gradely treat.
They slalom down the man-made slopes dodgin' dandelions,
Sittin' on bits o' cardboard an' corrugated iron.
Oh they've written to see if th' Olympic Games can be held on our slopes,
As yet they've getten no reply but council lives in hopes,
They've got five iron wringer wheels to put up on full view,
An' fer th' Olympic Village they'll build flats on Bardsley Broo.
So if you come to Owdham town there's things you must remember.
Wear yer britches backside torn from April 'til September.
Torn pants are a status symbol now so "bare up" with a will,
An' you'll look like one of the trendy set that skis upon Counthill.