Where the exit-door leads in He scrutinises circling clockwise Counting two out of the three Slightly above the first degree "Has there been blood?" He asks politely as once a year we do explore With my head resting on the pillow Gateways towards Plutonian shores Some are caused by downward pressure So don't strain when opening bowels The simple joys of maidenhood The red-eyed fox is on the prowl Rubber-bands for arteries These Indian seeds do soak like flees Reduce the use of salts and lose some weight Walk half an hour every day I openly dislike your vagueness In handling hours we appoint But when you choose Your pronouns rightly I do silently rejoice Some are caused by downward pressure So don't strain when opening bowels The simple joys of maidenhood The red-eyed fox is on the prowl So listen closely girls and boys This song is about hemorrhoids Not anyone's but mine of course A secret part I now disclose