Well I'm six foot nothing of muscle and bone With my Colt .45 I weigh seventeen stone Got a Stetson hat and a big cigar And I clean up trouble with my little tin star Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West Well I cleaned up the commies and the longhaired bums All the Chinee, queers and Red Indian scum I cleaned out the liquor, loose women and dope And put the uppity niggers on the end of a rope Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West My mommy held tupperware parties Had acne when I was a boy Headed out West - expanded my chest Now they treat me like the real McCoy Now I never get trouble from nobody else I can sit right back and feel proud of myself Got the cleanest city this side of the West It's so damn clean there ain't nobody left Law and Order... trouble in a bulletproof vest Law and Order... I'm the troubleshooting king of the West I'm the cotton-pickin', high fallutin', Rooty-tootin', put-the-boot-in Troubleshooting king of the West