I don't know how deep to go, but imma let it all out so come peep the show
Got my first xaney of my mate, I ain't gonna say his name
It was fun at the start, I used to treat it like a game
This around the time when The Nebulizer dropped
I was on all types of shit, but there's one I couldn't stop
And it played with my brain, but I focused on the music
I focused so much, didn't realise I abused it
Never had a plan to stop, not in that prediction
Going through fame, couldn't see I had addictions
1 turned to 2, turned to 3, turned to 4 then I need about 6 a day, a little bit more
Mixing it with lean, gotta stop people seeing
What damages can be by looking at me, shit
What to do cause I feel like a fool and I hate any rapper making xaney's look cool
Shit was getting bad I was filled up with hateful
Thoughts in my mind, I would argue with April
Agreed I would stop, shit I'd give it a go
By the first fucking night, felt like slitting my throat
Second night, my body shaking
The ambulance appear and I'm thinking in my mind, what the fuck they doing here?
Suddenly I'm caught up and there's no time to muck round
Lucky I got here, cause my body 'bout to shut down
Back to square one, nah man you can't quit
You gotta wean yourself off, that's some hard shit
What the fuck man, my brain is a mess
I can't remember that much, feel the pain in my legs
I wish it was that easy, I could give up and go
And people still got the hide to tell me pick up my phone
Maybe that's my fault, I didn't speak on it much
I didn't see if as a problem, I would keep it from cunts
Rates could always tell, when I couldn't pronounce certain words, brain dead
Yeah should I be proud?
Anxiety was killin' me, the doctors couldn't deal with me
Put me on a program cut me down on the pills and weed
All scared, cause I feel on my own
I told 'em "let me chill', now they think I'm dissing them bro
Waking up tired, I gotta take more pills
And I didn't even wanna take 'em, is this fuckin for real?
Losing touch of myself, it's like reality's false
It's like I'm walking around without having a pulse
It's a feeling of death, or like nothing is left
Cause there I'm holding my chest, just put a hole in my head
You see the older I get, It's getting scary as fuck
I'm like an eighteen in the head, I weren't aware of those drugs
The shit that they cause, I talk to mirrors on walls
I don't need this shit ever, but to pills I will fall
I opened up on 'No Rest' told cunts everything
That I done ice, didn't leave out anything
I quit that shit, yeah I left it flat dead
That was 5 years ago, they still think I'm a crackhead
If that's what we going off, fuck me dead
In 5 years I'll be clean, they'll be calling me a xaney head
Funny how the world works for a paycheck
Once the fame hit, I became a train wreck
I wasn't shit anyway, so why does it count?
Why so many people love me? I can't figure it out
But I'm telling you now, don't you follow my path
Look you couldn't if you tried, cause I'm going in hard
Fuck a poppin a pill, just to go out today
How'd I end up like this? I don't know, it's a way
Well I'm blaming the fame, yeah I said it before
But it's enough to make me high, feel like ending it all, but I
Brush it off got my fans on my side too
And my girl and my brothers and the whole crew
Spilling the truth, it's like all I can do
That's why I don't have time for rappers that are saying they're true
When they lie to their fans, apologize in the end
I never lied to mine and this is why I'm the man
I tell you what I'm going through, I don't care what they think
That's why I'm triple popping pills, leaning over the sink
I'm almost fuckin crying as I'm writing this shit
Cause of all my close ones, and the lives I affect
I came from the bottom, I made it my problem
Created the option, now fame has adoptin'
My brain gotta stop it, insane I am not this
Strange we got Scot sick, imma watch a clock tick
Just fuck off, I said it just fuck off
If I won't have my tablets I'll find a bridge to jump off
Fuckin idiots, thinking that the shit is cool
'Till they dyin' in the vomit of there own drool
What I meant to say? Don't do what I done
I've cut down on the program, yeah I've won
Repped it from the street, turned into a star then
Caught a fuckin habit on the xanex but the bars went
Crazy and I'm just dealing with fame
I just want my fans to know that I'll still be the same. I'm good