I remember back in high school
Getting high was tons of fun
It's much easier to score some weed than to drink
Before you're twenty-one
At that age, I thought alcohol was square
Drinking's something just old folks do
'Course if we got our hands on some, well hell
We'll drink like old folks too
It's different now when you get older
And you're gettin' on in your years
I've become so much more civilized
Since movin' on to spirits and beers
So today if I wanna act an ass
And gag, puke, stagger and fall
I'm gonna do it at the trusted hands
Of Good Ol' Alcohol
That Good Ol' Alcohol
One more before last call
Can make you feel a mile high
If you've been feeling small
Yes, every now and then
I'll call upon my friend
That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
When I younger, my thing was hippy drugs
Like hashish, caps and lids
Had dugout with ZoSo written on it
Where I kept my one-hitter hid
Amphetamine just wasn't my speed
And cocaine would make you go broke
But man o' man I sure could go for that
Marijuana smoke
I'd use a bong or bowl or rollin' papers
Or any other smoke component
Then I'd rip right through two boxes of
Entenmann's coffee cake covered donuts
And if you found yourself stranded
With no paraphernalia at all
You could always poke some holes
Through empty cans of alcohol
That Good Ol' Alcohol
Finds you in the bathroom stall
With your face inside the toilet
Curled up in a little ball
Yet, once you've done my friend
You'll come runnin' back again
For some Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
The mescaline you scored at Sheep's Meadow
Looked like little candy Nerds
That shit'll make you crap your pants
And backward speak your words
Ate an eighth of psychedelic mushrooms
At my buddy's girlfriend's place
Listened to Electric Ladyland three times over again
With a strobe light in my face
Then there was LSD, some double dipped
And some were window pane
Some Bart Simpsons, some blue unicorn
And ahhh some of them just plain
Twelve hours later trying to get high
On shake, seeds and stems will do, fuck all
Only way to ease that come down's
With some Good Ol' Alcohol
That Good Ol' Alcohol
When the Doctor pays a call
He may offer you some Percocet
Or even Demerol
Yet, when you're high and dry
Nothing else will get you by
Like some Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
There will come one morning after
When you will wake up and you will say
God damn, I'm gettin' too old for this
What time is it and what day
Where are all my God damn clothes
And where's my wallet, shoes and keys
Where the God damn hell am I
And God damn it hurts when I try to pee
Now my liver's limp, synapses spent
My nerve endings are fried
Got through many a trying night, the kind where
Stronger men have died
But I've seen it
Smelled it
Ate it
Tasted it
Lit it
Hit it
Chased it
Wasted it
Puffed it
Huffed it
Dosed and toasted it
Rolled it
Sold it
And tin foil bowled it
I've smoked
Poked
Copped
Popped
Mixed
Fixed
Chopped
Dropped
Licked
Kicked
Toked
Choked
Tweaked and Peaked
And woke and boke
I've scored it
And hoared it
I've snorted it
And sorted it
I've slipped it
Lipped it
Sipped it and roach clipped it
I've cleaned it and fiended it
I've laced it and tasted it
I've dipped it and chewed it
Zig zaged and bambooed it
I've cold turkey
I've restarted
I've discarded
And I've bogarted it
I've taken it
I've shaken it
I've stirred it
And slurred it
And blurred it
All
And there ain't a God damn thing I trust as much
As Good Ol' Alcohol
That Good Ol' Alcohol
One more before last call
Can make you feel a mile high
If you've been feeling small
Yes, every now and then
I'll call upon my friend
That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
That Good Ol', Good Ol', Good Ol'
Alcohol
Smoke 'em if you got 'em