She's smooth as the gravel On a roadside creek bank Sweet as a flower On a knotty pine casket She's hot as the fire On the end of a cigarette Rich as a church's Wednesday night basket And there ain't no man Who can get his head around it She's sharp as the blade On a mountain man's knife Sour as an apple In a homemade pie Mean as a snake In a small town zoo Ain't nobody That could ever get to Her heart She's bright as a moon On a hungover morning Clean as a mouth On a welfare baby She's slick as the leather On a cowgirl's holster Quick as a tongue On a johnny-come-lately And there ain't no man Ever gonna win that lady She's pure as the water In a golf course pond Safe as a tiger With a fifty dollar bond Deep as a sole Of a worn out shoe Ain't nobody That could fall into Her arms Proud as a loser In a locker room Sober as a drink Of homemade wine Sturdy as a trailer In a hurricane Sweet as the smell Of turpentine She's real as a movie With a happy ending Fickle as a bulb On a dashboard light Pretty as snow On Easter Sunday Silly as a girl Who can't make up her mind And there ain't no man Who can look her in the eye She's sad as a smile On a birthday clown Busy as a saddle In a one horse town Straight as a picture On a blind man's wall Ain't nobody That can make her fall Apart