Dad was a Clyde
Ma was a Bonnie
My brother, a con
My sister, a connie
And then they had me
The fly in the ointment
In a long line of hustlers
A big disappointment
I got the charm (you do)
And I got the looks (sure do)
Got my DNA from the world's finest crooks (finest crooks)
A professional poser
A counterfeit cad
Why can't I be better (better than who?)
At just bein' bad? (You can do better, can do better, can do better)
(Oh, if only you could be better at just bein' bad)
A disgrace to my family (yup)
Mocked by the Mob (uh-huh)
'Cause I robbed a bank
That had already been robbed (no way)
My pyramid schemes (all of his schemes)
Are turnin' to squares (turnin' to squares)
When I need a strike
I'm always a spare
Oh, but I could be king
If I could just find the pawn (checkmate)
Oh, I'd be a pro (you'd be the greatest con-man)
At bein' a con
The tables I'd run
The numbers I'd pad
If I could be better (better than who)
At just bein' bad
I could dig my way out of this ditch
If I had just one more wagon to hitch
Be a plaid-wearin' really rich son of a bitch
Like my dad
I gotta get better (you gotta get better)
Or I'll end up deader (a million times deader)
Unless I get better (better than before)
At just bein' bad (you can do better, just do better, just do better)
At bad