When I felt pain, I realized
I caused pain and in that I saw contradiction
I saw duality and hypocrisy
And wondered what else was possible
Words of ancient essence, of old world
Had found me patient
And for once, my mind felt steady
To tread a familiar course
So I sat down and focused on nothing
Trying to embody it
My mind went through every emotion.
My ego panicked, wanted to know the time
I silenced it and focused on inside
Only when you have completely understood your own anxieties,
Desires, contradictions and pain, can you begin to help people in a true sense
I thought I was better then them
In every way
I lacked the common sense to rationalize
My harder days
I thought i was growing and turned
Into a decent man
But I read some other things
Practise had showed me lands
The holy man uses the soap
And dryer fan
He looked at me and said You
Can't pray with piss on your hands
I recognized the essence of
His sentence, yes I did
My intentions, with purity
To remove self-centredness
This isn't like all the times
That I used half a mind to do it
My intention with this writing is
To actually go through it
I don't meditate for pleasure
I do it for familiarity
I watch the under lying patterns that
Inhabit and inspire me
I can watch them, but won't judge them
So I can understand their power
It might take me minutes, seconds
Days or only an hour
I will free myself
So I can find a way to make peace
With everyone I know I've hurt
And everyone who is me
The holy man uses the soap
And dryer fan
Looked at me and said you can't
Pray with piss on your hands
I understood the essence
Of his sentence, yes I did
I will use all of my power
To liberate from selfishness
It was last summer, my pride
Was causing me to miss it
I owe thanks to her for
Ignoring my impositions
I said I loved her because
I thought it was compassion
But my intentions weren't pure
It was unhealthy attachment
Just a narrative I made
Once again I owe her blessings
The extreme nature of it
Made it easier confessing
All the lies, blows, highs, lows
Shit I made her go through
When she just had a break up
What the fuck was she supposed to do
Love you, touch you
Be therappiness was linked
Tee to indulge you
It's this kind of thinking
That finally made her judge you
I was thinking somehow that our
Hll me that isn't the most
Narcissistic shit there is
The holy many uses the soap
And dryer fan
Looked at me and said you can't pray
With piss on your hands
I understood the essence
Of his sentence, yes I get it
I can liberate us all
If I achieve transcendence
I fixate, I'm obsessed
Compelled to write about it
I never thought some holy thoughts like this
Would ever come from silence
I never thought I'd bypass
Existential purpose
But my philosophy
Transcends shit like purpose at the surface
I can flourish
If I can stop the self from trying to dominate
And help the world in ways I can't
With speaking, I'll find other ways
To act without an action
That is originated by passion
Desires and deep attachment
To nothing that's ever lasting
The holy man uses the soap
And dryer and fan
He looked at me and said you can't pray
With piss on your hands
I looked at him and said
I understand I get the essence
I'll wash my hands in silence
Look at the self for transcendence
You can't do this
Look at yourself
It's stupid
How you supposed to help
When you can't help yourself
You should go fuck yourself
Maybe you need some help
I bet you seek the pain in others
So you can gain yourself
You fucking hypocrite
How longs it been? Two minutes
Your eyes closed, look like an idiot
You're ignorant
You're not focused
You're stupid
You shouldn't do this