At a time of weakness
Complete vulnerability
I laid my soul bare and saw
My actions with shame
Embarrassment over how I treated people
Things I said and believed in
I felt heavy with pain and began to believe
Love cannot exist. Simply. I cannot love myself
In any means. I've caused so much pain that
The only sort of love I feel is some distorted sense of egoic-inflation and dependence on self-affirmation
I am contradiction. I am a liar. I manipulate.
I cause pain. I point fingers. I try to get above.
I mock. I judge. I never once looked back at myself.
I search for an excuse to justify my status.
My admiration turns to pride when jealousy causes resentment. Then I deny I want it.
Through this, I become paralyzed in action. As my insights widen, I find no purity in myself nor others. Therefore I cannot think, speak, do nor act without distortion, conflict and contradiction.
How can I love myself so I can learn to love others I asked
And I found
Top twenty sex positions
In my recommended
People tell me everything
And I'm tired of pretending
That it don't make me uncomfortable
Makes me feel queasy
The words that people like to say
Bring images too easy
I don't wanna call them they
Cuz I know we share some problems
But I can't relate with all the talk
Of pussy, ass, tits and condoms
I don't wanna be insensitive
Treat women like a sex toy
But when women talk to me like that
My morality destroyed
Under pressure to get used to it
Pressured to go through with it
I don't wanna hear my name in
Gossip with the lewd critics
I'm not a sexual person
Something I've been rejecting
Because the way sex is taught
Everyone has to accept it
Go out to get a nut
Delete her number when you're done
Go do it tomorrow night
Maybe three times in a night
I'm not with it
Harming someone else to gratify
I'm just not with it
Seeing them just as an object
I am not with it
I'm afraid to flirt
Don't wanna be
Abandoned and hurt
I've known you for five minutes
Bitch I'm keeping on my shirt
It's only been two hours
And I'm not even the first
I guess I'm just afraid of getting used
The way we talk about it,
It sounds too much like abuse
I seek a connection with a person
That inevitably leads to romance
Not intimacy first
When we haven't even touched hands
I guess I'm just afraid of getting used
I guess I'm just afraid of being you
I don't wanna judge you
Even though it's been the whole song
As much as I'm uncomfortable
I can't say that you're wrong
If two people, meet up
Both are looking for a nut
Then I guess I don't see harm
In the actions that you've done
But I need to accept me
Get better at accepting
My attitude towards pleasure
And gain some understanding
I guess I'm just afraid of being used
I guess I'm just afraid of being you
I guess I'm just afraid of being used
I guess I'm just afraid of being you