Okay, so myself and Smacks
Lived with a man, by the name of Chocolate
Because he was irresistable to women
Now he had a great routine every Saturday night
He'd come home with this young wan
And they'd be bangin' around the room
And there'd be Sally Hansen on the banister
There'd be hair extensions on the landin'
And every mornin' there'd be-
And she'd be gone out the front door
Her sister would collect her
So I've written this song for our good friend the Choc-Ice
I'm gonna try and sing it to you now
She only rings me when she's locked
When she's halfway through her 'shnack-box'
Full on vodka and coke
Our love life's a joke
She only rings me when she's locked
The story goes around the town
She's been dumped, I'm her rebound
But I'm hoping for something more
She comes into the pub lookin' unreal
Sure I can't stalk until I'm steamed
Somehow we end up back at my door
Lads, my sheets are ruined, from her tan
The wall has imprints of her hands
There's awkward conversations in the mornin'
The lads have seen the scratch marks on my back
The taxi man, he knows the craic
I'd say he's got our situation clocked
She only rings me when she's locked
When she's halfway through her 'shnack-box'
Full on vodka and coke
Our love life's a joke
She only rings me when she's locked
When will I see her next?
I never know what to say in text
You know I've got a lack of confidence
But I'd say she works out, she's got some body
Her sister picks her up in her Audi
You know this girl is high maintenance
And then she texts right, she says
"What are you up to?" Smiley face
"How about we go back to your place?"
It's been the same since first on my door she knocked
She only rings me when she's locked
When she's halfway through her 'shnack-box'
Full on vodka and coke
Our love life's a joke
She only rings me when she's locked
Maybe we could see a movie
We could meet up on a Tuesday
Doesn't have to be half two, coming home from town
And if you wanna be my girl
Come on now, I'm standing here
But I can't let you push me around
But she's some lasher, my friends say
She's got an arse like Beyoncé
Doesn't seem to mind that we never talked
Can ye sing?
She only rings me when she's locked
When she's halfway through her 'shnack-box'
Full on vodka and coke
Our love life's a joke
She only rings me when she's locked
But the story ain't done yet
Maybe she'll regret
She only rang me when she was locked
Thank you