I WISH I wish I was a chauffer California, New Year's Eve Driving around a pretty lady with a hanky up her sleeve I would light her tiparillos just as civil as you please I wish I was a diver on a ship with Jacques Cousteau I'd get a picture in our rubber suits so that everyone would know "Hey, you really know Jacques?" I'd say, "Yeah, just look at this" I'd show it everywhere I go, Jacques Cousteau, Jacques Cousteau I wish I was a cartoon I wish I was Peter Pan Then I could fly away from sorrow and never have to feel like a man You ask me why I'm still a child? Well, it's just because I am I wish I had a cabin on the top of some big hill I'd build a fire every evening and listen to thwe whipporwill Eat my food out of a garden and drink my whiskey from a still I wish I was a diamond on the back of your skinny little hand Then I could keep my eye on you Maybe then I would understand How you just leave us all weeping just to prove that you still can