I am sorry for the times that I go somewhere else
While still sitting in the room, with my body like a shell
I am sorry for the times in which I am too much
Unsure if that's any better than when I am not enough
I think it started when I first played Funeral
Middle seat - late nineties van
Sitting there with the music paused, but still with both speakers in
Too weak to be in conversation, much too scared to be alone
Hoping I'd see the shape of a safe space friend
In the street when I got home
Tell me - what I am doing, please
I'll try to be better than I have been
I spent so much time staying afloat
I think I forgot how to be a friend
I am a rope that gets more tangled as I toss and turn, asleep
There is glass layered inside, cutting those who untie me
And if it happens every night, well then those ends are going to fray
You can fuse the ends of me, or set the whole damn thing ablaze
Someone tell me - what I am doing, please
I'll try to be better than I have been
I spent so much time staying afloat
I think I forgot how to be a friend
Tell me - what am I doing, please
How do I act when we meet again?
Maybe we'll sit at a dying fire
Maybe we'll talk about the end
I am not a martyr, I've tried so hard to be good
To be comforting to you, to be the way they say I should
I am becoming afraid that I will be forgettable
But I am still more afraid to be remembered as "not good"
I am sorry
Tell me - what I am doing, please
I'll try to be better than I have been
I spent so much time staying afloat
I think I forgot how to be your friend
Tell me - what am I doing, please
How do I act when we meet again
Maybe we'll sit at a dying fire
Maybe we'll talk about the end
I'm so sorry