Jumping up and down in my mom's car
Two happy little boys just found out that they're about to have a sister
I nearly cried, I was so giddy excited
Counting down the days that I would get to hug and hold and kiss her
And never dismiss her - this baby would be everything to me
And when she finally had been delivered she was the most beautiful thing i had ever seen, her name was Liberty
She was my duty, my honour to protect
I took a breadknife from my kitchen, a serrated one i kept by my bedside
If anyone had come and try to hurt her, I would take them by the neck
No question, just murder
I was six years old with a life's worth of dedication
Like I understood the reasons why I waited those nine months
No need for explanation, it was clear to me
To be a big brother to my little sister Liberty
Skip ahead a couple years and she's eleven
And her biggest brother is the big one-seven
She's athletic, hilarious and intelligent, she's everything
We raised her really well - my parents and me and Benji did
She's better looking than us too
Or maybe just as good-looking as us, but still
She'd come into our house and she would light up every room
And none of us had anything but love for her to give
But I was acting different
Daily in the kitchen
Late at night and dippin' chips in hummus, eyes squinted
Snacking on the Timbits
Happy all the time but in a weird way
I just wanted to be alone, my sister felt the distance
Making efforts to hang out with me, I wouldn't listen
Ezzie, can you cuddle me to sleep
No, I'm busy
Thinking 'bout it now I'm tearing up and feeling guilty
I wasn't a big brother to my little sister Liberty
Running away from home and going crazy
Screamin' at my mom, get the fuck out of my room
Like on the daily
Letting down my dad, my little brother wouldn't chill with me
And def-ing out the noises of my crying sister Liberty
Movie night, I was invited to the TV room
But I declined the invite 'cause I was secretly leaving soon
Creeping down the first-flight stairs
Family sitting without me on the couch right there
Second flight, I walk out of my basement door
I stand at my garage and light a blunt right there
I inhale, I cough
Exhale, I inhale, I cough
I exhale, I inhale, I stop
About a block-or-two away and tripping balls
Feeling absolutely lost when my sister calls
I told her that I left the house to go out for a walk
I owed a friend money so I brought it to his car
Lying through the teeth that were still clenching on the blunt
She didn't say a word until she told me to look up
I look up at my little sister standing at the window
Looking back at me and then I watch her phone drop
I ring the doorbell to my house as if it weren't mine
My parents give me hell, I watch my mother cry
My dad is sitting silent, isn't looking at me
But all I give a shit about is my sister and I
(Knock, knock, knock) Libby?
(Knock, knock, knock, knock) Libs, come on, it's Ez.
Go away from me, you're high and i just wanna go to bed
I sit with her, she tells me that I'm not her brother
She's sobbing on her bed, a puddle on her covers
She turns around and looks at me like she's never seen me before
And pushes me away when I reach out to hug her
How could you yell at mom
She loves you, you know, she does everything for you
All you ever do is smoke, you're a stranger to me
I want my Ezzie back
I tell her that I'm here but I've been on a messy path
I start to cry
I cover up my eyes, tears falling through my fingers
It's the middle of the night
I tell her I'm an addict and I'm sick and I never wanted to hurt her
And it's killing me inside
I know I don't deserve her and I know that I'm a fuckup
Know I've been a bad brother
I know that I've been causing my whole family to suffer
And I'm having trouble stopping and I don't know what to do
And I'm sorry Libby that I lied to you
She sees that I'm in pain, she notices I'm hurting
Looks me in the eye and smiles, tells me not to worry
Reaches out to me and gives the warmest hug to reassure me that she'll never ever ever be rid of her love for me
I call myself the bigger one, that isn't me
She's eleven with the biggest heart i've ever seen
Now it's been a year, I still remember vividly
And every chip I get
Reminds me of my little sister Liberty