Right behind the headlines of the papers there's a space entitled Personal
And since I'm young and sensitive it's always there I turn to first of all
For in between the vibro-massage, sauna baths, the rubber goods, the corsetry
Someone sends a message that is classified as advertising agony
Agony will always find a way
You read there every day
True-life love stories, taken short
Agony at seven-and-a-kick a time,
A stifled sob a line,
A list of breaking hearts and surgical supports
"Molly, will you please come home
I miss you,
Will you please forgive me?
I love you very much and I am sorry for what I did
Love, Sidney"
"Artistic photographs, plain paper covers, fifty-nine-and-sixpence, postage free"
"Unsightly hair on arms and legs and faces is removed quite painlessly"
Who knows if wayward Molly will return?
Does Sidney really yearn?
And if he does, does Molly care?
What quarrel set them at each other's throats?
Did Sidney send for postcards through the post?
Or did Molly grow superfluous hair everywhere?
"Widow, 46 would like sophisticated gentleman to contact her
Similar interests and with a view to friendliness
Motor car preferred"
"Mrs Ivy Armitage thanks all her friends for kindnesses when times were hard"
And "The honorable Dicky Cholmondley is not sending anybody any christmas cards"
"Dynamic methods Strengthen and Refine
The Power of your Mind"
In case your memories are none too good
And if you cannot manage on your own
Take out a personal loan
There's no security, it's understood
"Seven days' free trial for an anti-nuclear shelter
No obligations at all"
And there's news of debutantes coming out with all the customary Belgrave balls
Ten shillings reward:
Box Number 33 has gone and lost her budgerigar
"Happy Birthday darling Sheila from your Mummy and your Daddy, wherever you are"
Right behind the headlines of the papers there's a space entitled Personal
And for those who get the agony, that's the place to turn to first of all