I was eight years old when my father left her Why he left I never have been told Though she tried so hard, it was too much for her So I found myself out in the cold And as the years wore on Every day that just went wrong It seems that I was made for some kind of joker's punchline Universal man, that's what they call me Universal man in all his glory I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake, oh, oh Universal man, that's what they all shout Universal man, why did you drop out? I thought I had your whiskey bottle to drink Then I'll feel fine Then I'll feel fine I was just 18 (Just 18) when they came and took me Said that I was guilty of a crime Five long years I stayed in the penitent'ry I was servin' someone else's time And when they set me free (When they set me free) All the fight had gone from me My face became a fixture down at the low queue handout Universal man, that's what they call me Universal man in all his glory I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake, oh, oh Universal man, that's they all shout Universal man, why did you drop out? I thought I had your whiskey bottle to drink, oh, oh Universal man, that's what they call me Universal man in all his glory I got a fifth and raincoat kind of mistake, oh, oh Universal man, that's they all shout Universal man