Guess what it is I'm holding
Down here in my hand
It's given pleasure to millions
Both up and down the land
It's my little ukelele
My treasure and my joy
I've plonked and plucked it daily
Ever since I was a boy
I practised and I practised
That right hand rhythm routine
And now I've got an action
Like a massage parlour queen
Oh Mother!
But nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's the original from way back yonder when it all began
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
I've such coordination in my fingers and my thumb
An action learned from years of sitting down to have a strum
My right hand goes like billy-o
Up top my left one fiddles
Performing archipeligos and flams and paradiddles
I stroll into the spotlight
I give the strings a clout
But when I start to warble
The people start to shout ("Where's George?")
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can just leaning on a lamp or TT racing at the Isle Of Man
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
I like a bit of Blues and Boogie
Like a bit of Skittle and Soul
But what I love's a little stick of Blackpool rock, rock, Rock 'N' Roll
When women idolise me
I always have to tell 'em
Stop poking at my plectrums
And don't violate my velum
And though my technique thrills 'em
I have never worked out why
At the end of my performance they always seem to sigh...
("Oh, is that all? Don't I get an encore?")
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's window cleaning with his eyes on Fanlight Fanny's fan
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
(Everybody!) Nobody does it like the Ukele Man
Noone can hit that spot if he can't make you smile then noone can he's window cleaning with his eyes on Fanlight Fanny's fan
Nobody does it like the Ukelele Man
(I've got crates of his 78s, and I'm his greatest fan)