Oot o' the East there came a hard man
Oh oh, a' the way frae Brigton
Ah haw, glory hallelujah
Cod liver oil and the orange juice
He went intae a pub, an' he cam oot paralytic
Oh oh, VP an' cider
Ah haw, what a helluva mixture ...
(Spoken: Sex rears its ugly head now ...)
Does this bus go tae the Dennistoun Palais
I'm looking for a lumber
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
(Eyes up the talent ... and lo and behold!)
In the dancin' he met Hairy Mary
Oh oh, the floo'er o' the Gorbals
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
(Chats her up ...)
Oh noo Mary, are ye dancin'
Naw, naw, it's jist the way ah'm stannin'
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
(Rebuffed ...)
Oh Mary, yer wan in a million
Oh oh, so's yer chances
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
(Rebuffed again!)
Well then Mary, can ah run ye hame
Oh oh, ah've got a pair o' sandshoes
Ah haw, yer helluva funny ...
(Never say die ... sways aboot nonchalantly,
Picks his nails wi' his bayonet -
And hew knocks it off!)
Doon through the back close an' intae the dunny
It wasnae for the first time
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
Then oot cam her mammy, she's goin' tae the cludgie
Oh oh, ah buggered off sharpish
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...
Hairy Mary looking for her hard man
Oh oh, he's jined the Foreign Legion
Ah haw, Sahara an' ra camels ...
Then Hairy Mary had a little baby
Oh oh, its faither's in the Army
Ah haw, glory hallelujah ...