I decorate my stall each year In hopes that Santa will appear But he won't take a trip Up my toilet, oh no. I know that Santa will explore In Hufflepuff and Gryffindor And even leave the Slytherins A few lumps of coal Every year my Christmas Spirit dies Cause I don't get a Christmas surprise Chorus Santa's getting brown cookies from me today Slightly lumpy, not quite chocolate fecal decay I know the cookies look delicious, they made you drool But guess what Santa, they're the defecation of the school I'm sorry Santa but you see That you have been ignoring me I haven't got a single gift That I have asked for. You brought me a crying boy But I would rather have a toy Unless I had the chance To get with Harry and score When you get an urgent bathroom rush You will find that no one here has flushed Chorus Jingle Bells, Santa smells You thought you were fly Now you're through Cause you ate poo And you have Ecoli Hermione Granger Hermione Granger Hermione Granger Eat poo too HEY!