You met your old history teacher
While you were sucking on a lemon
Oh, you'd just eaten a ham sandwich
And you were sitting on a park bench
And your mouth was a straight line
Oh, a perfect horizon
'Cause the sandwich had been a bit off
It was a total ripoff
And he said, "Smile, love
Well, bloody smile
Y'know, I pay all my taxes
Think I still live in the '50s
So I expect the girls that I meet
Oh, on the bloody street
Well, to bloody smile
So, you'd better smile"
He said, "Smile, love!"
He said, "Smile, love!"
He said, "Smile, love!"
Well, bloody smile
And then later that week
Well, you ran into a barrister
He said, "Why the long face?"
He said, "You look like a horse"
"At least give us a wink"
Oh, the barrister said
He had an egg-shaped head
And he clearly shopped at M&S
And then later that day
Oh, you met a real horse
And the horse said
"Well, you look like a man
And I'm awfully sorry love
I like a girly girl
Oh, I don't mind what you dress like
But you could at least give us
A bloody smile"
He said, "Smile, love!"
He said, "Smile, love!"
He said, "Smile, love!"
Well, fucking smile
'Cause y'know it might never happen
They say it might never happen
That's what they say, they say it might never happen
Oh, it might never happen
Well, what if it already has happened, you stupid prick?
And don't you know you're never gonna get anywhere
Oh, with a face like that?
But me, well, I can be as moody as I like
And they'll put it down to a kind of
Oh, a brooding genius
But to you they say, "Smile, love"
Yeah, to you they say, "Smile, love"
Oh, to you they say, "Smile, love"
They say, "Smile, love"