Put your heavy metal to the test Might be half a love song in it all for you Timing wise, it's probably for the best Come here and kiss me now, before it gets too cute Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew Wardrobe's lint-rollin' your velveteen suit And smudgin' dubbin' on your dancin' shoes ♪ Gradually, it's coming into view It's like your little directorial debut As fine a time as any to deduce The fact that neither you or I has ever had a clue But Mr. Schwartz is stayin' strong for the crew Wardrobe's lint-rollin' your velveteen suit And smudgin' dubbin' on your dancin' shoes And if we guess who I'm pretending to be Do we win a prize? Having attempted twice, both incorrectly Do we get a third try? ♪ The gloved hand's reachin' in to hit the switch There's not one goddamn thing that you can do about it But Mr. Schwartz is havin' tea with the grips Askin' after all the wives and the kids It's at the heart of what the business is