At precisely eight-o-five Doctor Frederick von Meier Will attempt his famous dive Through a solid sheet of luminescent fire In the center of the ring They are torturing a bear And although he cannot sing We can make him whistle Londonderry Air And the price is right The cost of one admission is your mind We shall shortly institute A syntopicon of fear While it's painful, it will suit Many customers whose appetites are queer Or for those who wish to pay There are children you can bleed In a most peculiar way We can give you all the instruments you'll need And the price is right The cost of one admission is your mind If you're harder yet to please We have most delightful dreams Our recorders will preserve The intensity and passion of your screams For we only aim to please It's our customers who gain As their appetites increase They must come to us for pleasure and for pain And the price is right The cost of one admission is your mind