Ai-ee, ai-ee, ai-ee, ai-ee
My chakras are unblocking
I feel the flow of chi
Spiritual enlightenment is what I seek
Plus environmental harmony
I hear my tinkling wind chimes
As I drink my ginseng tea
I work night and day in a vaguely Taoist way
On the crucial wellbeing of me
For we're pick-and-mix orientalists
Bit of Shinto and a dash of tai chi
Sprinkle on some Brahma, add a pinch of good karma
And the one true religion is me
Ai-ai-ai-ah-ha-ha-ha-ha-ah
Well we've flirted with becoming Quakers
'Til we realised they don't drink
And much as we admire the James
We don't want to ditch the mink
And who'd want to be a Catholic?
That's for Irish and Belgian peasants
Nor a Jehovah's Witness (Why?)
They get no Christmas presents
We're a-la-carte now-and-zen girls
We pray beneath the Bodhi Tree
We'll reach Nirvana with the help of marijuana
And the one true religion is me
Om, om, om, om
We're fans of Bikram Yoga
Bugger me, it's hot
But it's good for the pores when you get on all fours
And tie your limbs in a knot
We went up a Himalaya
Just Brian Blessed and us
We didn't stop when we got to the top
But he came down in a truss
That's 'cause we're lucky dip lotus blossoms
Theologically all at sea
We cricked our necks trying tantric sex
Oh, the one true religion is me
We're studying the Kabbalah
'Cause Madonna says it's cool
And Sting says Trudie's circular breathing
Helps control his tool
We've meditated with Sai Baba
Who made holy ash appear
We're cleansed in Toto when we're wearing Yamamoto
So we're ready for Richard Gere
Oh, yes, we're makey-uppey Eastern dappers
With an ivy potpourri
Though it may be all hooey, we adore Feng Shui
And the one true religion is me
We're Occidental tourists
On an Oriental jamboree
So tell my mummy that I'm barmy for a swami
And the one true religion is me
We're smorgasbord philosophers
On a metaphysical shopping spree
We practice with passion 'cause we've gotta be in fashion
And the one true religion is me