When I was a baby
Dear mother you minded me
Kept me as safe and as loved as can be
But now many years have gone by since those days
And I'm caring for you just as you cared for me
As you dribble your Complan all over your nightie
I've thought of a quick way to meet the Almighty
Oh, mother, dear mother
The mountains are calling
Let's sit by lake Zurich admiring the view
Your hearing is failing
Your health is appalling
It's time that we bade this existence adieu
So no more debating
Of why are we waiting?
Your will just needs dating
Sign here, dear
Oh, mother, dear mother
There's no sense in stalling
My ticket's return, here's a single for you
Oh, mother dear mother
You've spent your life resting
You're always complaining that you're bored to tears
Your bladder's backed up, you have trouble digesting
Your heart's kept you housebound for several years
The clinic is calming
The nurses are charming
You won't need embalming
Do come, mum
They know what they're doing
It's not like they're testing
I hope that that satisfies all of your fears
Oh, mother, dear mother
You're not a believer
Your soul's immortality's not a concern
We'll fly into DIGNITAS via Geneva
The Nembutal comes with a glass of Sauternes
Their record is stainless
The exit is painless
So before you're quite brainless
Ta-ta, ma
I've given up hope that you'll die of a fever
So please let me bring you back home in an urn