It's very nice to see so many familiar faces here
Thank you for coming
You know who I haven't seen?
Jane
Jane
Jane
Jane
Jane
Jane
Yes, you know Jane
Jane with the 'G' and the 'Y' in her name?
No, Jane with the 'G' that's married to Jim
What, bearded Jim with the hat?
That's him, so Jane
Jane
Yes, you know Jane with the feet and the fingers
No, that's not her name, that's June
That's June?
Yes it is
Not true, that lady is Mary and her neighbour's June
Then who am I thinking of?
Well I don't know
Is her name Dot?
Or it might be Jo?
No, Jo is the one with the dodgy leg and the hairless cat
Am I thinking of Anne?
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
Anne
I don't know an Anne
Of course you do, from down the road
That's Anne, that lady at number four
With the rabbit and the dog with a manky paw?
No, the dog with a manky paw is Jane's
With a 'Y'?
No, an 'I' and a Mexican 'J'
Like Yane?
Who's Yane?
Well, it's spelt like Jane
What, Jane with a 'G'?
No, a silent 'K'
Oh, Jane!
Jane
Jane
Jane
Jane
Jane
How could I forget Jane?
Jane with the teeth and the tongue in her name
That's Jane
That's Jane
With the African 'A'
No, that Jane doesn't have an African 'A'
You must be thinking of someone else
Sometimes I really do confuse myself
So anyway, Jane was talking to John
What, brown, long John?
No, John John John
Oh, John John John at the hardware store, with a claw for his hand
And his legs are too small
No, that's John John at the hardware store
So who's John John John, have I seen him before?
You must have done, he's been around for years
Oh, I know him, with the weird shapes ears
Like a tiny leaf stuck onto his head, yes, I know that John
No, that John's dead
Oh
Poor John
Well he had his time, that John was getting on for ninety-nine
Ninety-nine, didn't he do well
Considering he's deaf and gave off a weird smell
So anyway, Jane was talking to John
And told him their affair had gone on for too long
Jane was sleeping with John John John?
I could've swore she was dating patchwork Don
No patchwork Don is married to Anne
With a messy front garden and a rusty van
Oh, rusty Anne at number four
With a rabbit and the dog with a manky paw
No, the dog with a manky paw is Jane's
With a 'Y'?
No an 'I', that's a different Jane
So Jane was sleeping with John John John
And told him their affair had gone on for too long, that's right?
That's right
Oh, thank God for that, I must tell Mary
Oh, Mary with a cat?
Yes, Mary with a cat
She's got a lovely cat
Mary with a cat and her neighbours June
Not Dot or Jo whose weight has balooned
Oh, hasn't she grown, she doesn't look the same as she did
When I first met her at that party of Jone's
So anyway, Jane with the 'F'
And the 'I'
Just wanted me to tell you say that she says hi