Your snack game is wack How'm I supposed to jack a whole backpack's worth of Ritz crackers? You freckled clowns can't keep bagels 'round No forks to be found—this break room is a ghost town! Very least? I'mma need ya dose me nice Once or twice a week with your boy La Croix on ice I'm talking cans—I won't share a mug with these hams! I'm not a germaphobe but half these grunions got bunions so Let's get generous with the hand soap, Tina! I don't mean to put you on the spot but... I mean... You could automate the shit out of your job—you know this! Feel the deep burn, Tina—your whole shit is machine-learnable! And even Google's janitors get more from their managers... Even Twitter bots get the occasional Mott's Cashews are not a legitimate delicacy! It's 2019: diabetes is an actual thing Proteins, calcium, fats: These are the nutrients I care about Lose the bottomless jelly beans and Sour Patch Bring in the juice bar and the salad bar, set it up in the kitchen I'm not trying to go full-toddler up in this corporate prison Engage