I promised to keep the kids busy at the park for at least two hours
So that Sarah could get the house in order and all the laundry sorted out
I told her that the party was her idea so she could damn well clean it up herself
I didn't mean to snap but since mom died last week I haven't felt like myself
I only just turned forty-two and all I think about now is my health
I know I've gained some weight but Sarah's so nice, she claims she can't even tell
Two nights this week I dreamed that my teeth crumbled when I tried to eat
When I wake up my gums feel weak
I make the kids brush their teeth 'til their mouths bleed
I feel ambushed by my body... or at least a little misled
(As if the blood that moves my parts can't keep up with commands
Coming from my head)
I'm sitting on a park bench, watching Zooey climb to the top of the slide
Where she'll cry until I come and get her
Sarah says she does it for attention but I think she knows better
There's a girl with these legs running laps on the track
I watch the muscles sing in her thighs
When I turn back to Zooey
I'm confronted by the eyes of this young mother helping her down
She greets my approach with a full-body frown
"Maybe you should keep your eyes on your own child," she sniffs
I pretend not to hear while I oversearch for Chris
I get him and bolt down the street to the pharmacy
Chris screamin' bloody murder 'cause we had to leave
I get my pills refilled so I'll be good for the party
Pop one on the walk home 'cause I feel the panic starting
I keep saying that I'm sorry
I tell the children I'm sorry