When aeroplanes arrive from Deutschland you know
You've arrived in safe territory.
Lewis Layne had been invited on a family holiday
By his girlfriend Austria.
His invitation had yet to be discussed
With Austria's parents but nevertheless
Lewis Layne went ahead and bought the plane tickets.
Lewis Layne was a light packer all he seemed to think
He needed was his goggles, gameboy, sunglasses and rizzla.
Austria wasn't a light packer but a clever one indeed,
She managed to only take hand luggage but
Fit extra items of clothing in the access room
Of her mother's over-sized suitcase.
Austria was feeling uncertain about how her parents would feel
To the idea of Lewis coming so she kept it silent
Until she had the nerve to say it out loud.
This moment of confidence came out in the car
On the way to the airport-
The reaction was one you may have already guessed
'Lewis? You mean Lewis the vain bloody pain!' Shouted her father
'Yes also known as my boyfriend and probably my husband to be'.
'Hahaha are you crazy?
The boy doesn't even know how to put a fresh pair of underwear on
Let alone get to an airport!!
'How wrong could Austria's father be,
Lewis Layne was already at the airport who had
Surprisingly glided his way through the security
Listening to the libertines and now spraying
Armani's men perfume in duty free under his armpits.
Layne had gotten worried about where Austria was
So decided to ring her.
Austria was playing music through her iPhone via Bluetooth
Which was connected to the car stereo.
This meant his call rang through the car speakers,
Austria's naughty little brother noticed that Lewis's name
Had popped up on her screen so quickly answered it before
Austria could take it away.
'Hey chicken I wanna squeeze ya tight how long do I have to wait?'
... ...
Silence and shock had just arisen from the parents inside of the car -
Several frantic screams out of Austria and 35 minutes of
Hysterical laughter from the little boy.
Austria's father was feeling feeble now because of the traffic,
The confrontation of the new boyfriend, the noise, a situation
In his mind which was one he'd imagined in hell.
Lewis Layne was now in a slight predicament
Because he was led on to believe by Austria that
Everything would be cool in the gang,
But in fact the situation was quite the opposite.
He started to imbibe large amounts of alcohol
As a way to fight his anxiety.
Austria's family were now sprinting to board their plane -
Lewis was now so drunk he started to buy
British souvenir pointless crap as presents for his mum and dad.
'COULD LEWIS LAYNE IMMEDIATELY
MAKE YOUR WAY TO GATE NUMBER 666 THE PLANE
IS BOARDING NOW'
'What a relief! The silly boy isn't here
Oh darling I was so worried he'd ruin our entire holiday'
Said Austria's father to Austria's mother.
LAST CALL FOR LEWIS LAYNE
PLEASE HURRY TO GATE NUMBER 666 THE GATE
HAS NOW BEEN CLOSED'