I knew a boy way back when His name was Bobby and then He asked my daddy if I could go dancing But he could not make a pass Can't tell his elbow from ass He was completely inept at romancing Oh Bobby It's so painful to watch you Well in a crowd I could spot you Oh Bobby You'll never nail her What a spectacular failure He's got a buddy named Jack Who likes to take it as fact That he and Bobby have all of the power But don't believe what he says Cuz Jack's gone soft in the head And Bob and Jack play grab-ass in the shower Oh Bobby You play out every delusion You're better off in seclusion Oh Bobby You've never looked paler What a spectacular failure Oh Bobby You don't appear to be dying It's like you're not even trying Oh Bobby I can't excuse your behavior What a spectacular failure