Well me and Brown in a public house
Was playing dominoes one night
When in through the door a fireman came
His face all chalky white.
"What's up", says Brown, "Have you seen a ghost,
Have you seen your Aunt Mariah?"
"Me Aunt Mariah be buggered!", says he,
"The bleedin' pub's on fire!"
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Oh don't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! ("MACINTYRE!")
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
"Oh well," says Brown, "What a bit of luck.
Everybody follow me.
And it's down to the cellar if the fire's not there
And we'll have a grand old spree."
So we all went down with good old Brown
The booze we could not miss (Aleluya! Not us!)
And we hadn't been there ten minutes or more
'Til we were quite like this...
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Oh don't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! ("MACINTYRE!")(Who?)
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Then Jim wandered over to the port wine tub
He gave it a few hard knocks
Then he started takin' off his pantaloons
Likewise his shoes and socks.
"Oh no, " says I, "that ain't allowed,
Ya can't be doin' that down here.
Don't go washin' out your trousers in the port wine tub
When we got Natty Boh beer!"
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Oh don't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! ("MACINTYRE!")
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
And then there came a mighty crash
Half the bloody roof gave way
We were almost drowned by the firemen's hose
But still we were gonna stay.
So we got some tacks and some old wet sacks
We nailed ourselves inside
And we sat there drinkin' the finest black rum
'Til we were bleary-eyed...
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Oh don't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! ("MACINTYRE!")
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.
Well, later that night, when the fire was out
We came up from below (below)
Our booze was drunk, our pub was burned,
Our spirits were quite low...
"Just wait", said Brown, as he checked his watch
By the embers of the dyin' fire
"We better get down to Murphy's Pub,
It closes on the hour!"
And there was Brown upside down
Lappin' up the whiskey on the floor.
"Booze, booze!" The firemen cried
As they came knockin' at the door
Oh don't let 'em in 'til it's all drunk up
Somebody shouted MacIntyre! ("MACINTYRE!")
And we all got blue-blind paralytic drunk
When the Old Dun Cow caught fire.