Oh my god there's scenesters everywhere With their hair gel and their vintage t-shirts Why didn't the shins come to phoenix? And why didn't mirah come to phoenix? Because the modified is too small And the marquis is too big And the complex is rightfully dead And the hipsters with their snide comments and aversion to applause Oh my god hardcore kids everywhere With their hair gel and their color green How do they look so good while their convictions remain so strong? Because their hair gel that they use isn't tested on animals And their swallow tattoos are fucking lame And cocaine is essentially vegan And they don't give a fuck anyway They're so vain, and yes, this song is about them Oh my god post-hardcore kids everywhere With their violence and pomposity So fucking straightedge getting high off of self-righteousness And praying to a sideways cross So urban, so infantile, so angry, so young, and so poor They don't need to use a crutch 'cuz they've got the wheelchair Oh my god there's assholes everywhere Pretentious fucking assholes everywhere Oh my god there's assholes everywhere Pretentious judgmental assholes everywhere