You're helpless and hopeless You want to help out the homeless But you've got problems You're selfish and worthless And you have no fucking purpose You're a cancer causing, cancer having slob Whoa, Who-oa, Whoa There are morals that conflict with orals That conflict with anals, that believe in angels Angels are hating on you Good is the absence of evil And evil is the absence of good There is an axis of evil rolling into this neighborhood With the sound of gun shots Bang! Bang! Bang! Whoa, Whoa, Whoa It was then that I found I am vampire I have fangs fucking 15 inches long And the sanguinary sweetness of stealing someones blood Feels so good I am compelled to sing this song At night when I retire to my coffin, to sleep for a hundred years or more All you people that I know will have died long ago and your children will have died 10 years before Whoa, Whoa, Whoa