The Lord calls us to be giving, kind and chaste,
To never act in anger or in haste.
To spend our days calm and sober, not rashy or hungover
We must do these things to stay in His good grace.
In heaven there is no bourbon, not a single drop of whiskey
No easy sex, no fart jokes, no gratuitous nudity
No drugs for mind-enhancing, not even a little dirty dancing,
I can't help but think that there's some place I'd rather be...
Now heaven may be a cool place for those who want to reach the sky
But I know a spot that's underground full of people that love to get high
You can dance all day and night, while you drink, smoke, cuss and fight
Don't you know that Hell is the hottest place in town?
They say its hotter than a hundred suns and there's never any water or fans
So I'll be kickin' it with ladies who've got a real good beach tan
I can see me rubbing elbows with all the best partying fellows,
Ooooo weee! I'm Hell bound!
There's really nothing better than a little nasal cheddar when you're trying to get real high
You know it's really pretty fun to see them people on the run when you shoot your guns into the sky
You say you're straight and sober, a kosher non-smoker, never ever gambled not even strip poker
So come on, take a chance! Take off your pants! Come on out a-sinnin' with me!
Well some people think they know how to have a real good time
Smoking those jazz cigarettes and drinking bootleg wine.
But how about a little extra sloth, wrath and good ol' gluttony,
We'll sleep in late, eat twelve cheesecakes and go on a killing spree!
I dream of having fountains of crack cocaine laced nacho cheese,
And nothing gets a party going hot like bestiality
Drinkin' corn liquor, gin and rye, I'm gonna be a sinner till the day I die
Oooo weee! Ooooh Baby! Hell yeah! I'm Hell bound!