I don't know when I started to feel so old
I don't know why I'm here, and maybe I won't
Or why God lets me live in this beautiful world
While others die
While others die
I grew up right here on this little street
So why does it feel unfamiliar to me?
And why can't I seem to fit into the world?
No matter where I go
No matter where I go
The last time I smoked weed was ages ago
I get paranoid, so I won't anymore
But I'd smoke out of apples on my patio
In my underwear
I burnt my hair
I don't know where I go when I can't be present
Or why I feel like dyin' every now and then
I know there are scars that are just permanent
But I'm still so young
I'm still so young
When I lost my grandmother, I lost myself
I'm wearing the ring that she gave me, it helps
But I swear to God, I can't feel her no more
And it breaks my heart
It breaks my heart
I moved to New York with my best friend
A shitty apartment and we shared a bed
I hope that she found out who she was then
'Cause I still can't
Tell you who I am
I hate every tattoo I got on myself
I feel like I got them for somebody else
You can get them removed, so I might as well
I can start over
I can start over
♪
Sometimes I starve myself when I'm alone
I wanna be thinner in all of my clothes
But mostly I just wanna love myself, so
I'll try to stop
I'll try to stop
I look up to my father like he'll never know
He gave me a beautiful life as lives go
Won't amount to half the man he is, I suppose
But he taught me of God
He taught me of God
I met the man of my dreams after all
We'll marry each other and kids won't be long
I've always been scared to be somebody's mom
But I'm changin' my mind
I'm changin' my mind
I can't remember what I wanted out of my life
Always wanted to be somethin' more than a wife
When I was a kid with some innocent eyes
Before I'd seen
The things I've seen
My papa told me that he has his regrets
He wouldn't change anything that he's done yet
He wouldn't even unsmoke one cigarette
And I believe him
And I don't believe him
Nothing I sing even matters, I bet
A lot of artists can say things that I've said
I can list 25 at the top of my head
Better than me
Better than me
But I came really far, yeah, whatever that means
And you'd look at me and think, "I got my dreams"
But I can't tell you what, for the life of me
I even wanted
I even wanted
But life is what you make it
And love is what you make it
And pain is how you take it
And youth is what you make it
So age is what you make it
And fate is what you make it
And life is what you make it