Do you love the sweet smell of industry in the morning?
Does terra firma fill you with terror versus firm factory grounds?
Have you ever looked at Mother Nature's splendour and thought, "Eugh..."
We have brave FICSIT pioneers nobly shaving off the galaxy's superfluous greenery
Grinding it down into the fine mulch of progress and refining it into pure ingots of profit
And now, you too can join them
Welcome
To the AWESOME shop
The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue
And our pioneers bring bargains factory direct to you
Try not to be disheartened by the trees that we consume
Call and place your orders of
Products from the AWESOME shop
Violent violet boars on your iron ore?
Carnivorous critters crashing your Caterium conveyors?
Then do we have just the product for you!
Every planet features sweet resource veins that you can extract
Sadly, selfish creatures then, of course, make them their habitats
We've got a brilliant new addition to your haversack
Thirty thousand volts of pure eviction in one handy pack
Introducing the Xeno-Zapper, just as soon as it leaves the wrapper
Any nuisance beats giving you any grief? Just give a brief zap and you'll see them scatter
Is it cruel? Does it even matter? Deep below, well, we need that matter
It's a tool with a decent stagger, but certain pests need a beefier splatter
The Xeno-Basher is our premium offering
Guaranteed to leave more than a few teeth wobbling
When local zoology opposes remodeling
We recommend them a deluxe clobbering
Case in point!
This little bugger clearly needs an excavation of his brain from his head
Oh, he's uh
He's brought me a berry
Nobody's ever brought me a berry before
Go on, get out of here!
The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue
It's one small step for industry, one giant deal for you
Leaving deep space carbon footprints in some giant freaking shoes
Wake up, babe, new ores just dropped
Now stocked in the AWESOME shop
'Cause it's thirsty work, converting the fertile earth
From worthless dirt to stuff for the twerps on Earth to purchase
So, what's a few birds in a furnace?
Slurp from your new coffee cup, you've earned it
Land that's not wasteland stands wasted
Raze those plants and then replace with
Planting plants, gas excavating
Fracking plans are quite groundbreaking
Flora and the fauna aren't important when there's more to sell
Heck, even our chainsaw fuel is ground up alien tortoiseshells
There's no need to focus on our one-sided war of the worlds
Ripping up the rosebuds as we're plundering these ores n' wells
Climate impact? Disregard it!
You're under contract to farm it
Our market share just can't be spared
And you've got artifacts to harvest
News from Earth
Widespread chaos
There is no hope but for all citizens to immediately harvest alien artifacts
You must comply
You must comply
You must comply
The planets and the stars are new frontiers of revenue
And our pioneers bring bargains factory direct to you
You've reached our complaints department, you're three millionth in the queue
Critics say we oughta stop
But then who'd stock the AWESOME shop
Ugh, it's that blinking lizard doggo again!
That's it! You were warned! I am gonna clobber you with—
Ugh! He's brought me another present!
Look, I can't do it! He's too cute!
It's a... it's a barrel of nuclear waste
Thanks, little guy
I could never be mad at you