I know a boy, he's got Mother tattoed on his shoulder Seen him on TV, but Then he's very much older I know his name and I know his address The number of his extension I've got a picture of him in a dress Looking after my pension He's got a girl he likes One day a week and one hour Goes up into her room Comes out needing a shower I know his name and I know his address The number of his extension I've got a picture of him in a dress Looking after my pension Young boy in a bowler hat Pinstripe suit and no Muscle underneath his fat Seen it on the video Old man in his judges robes Black cap, gavel, and no Underpants upon his globes Oh, one hundred years ago I think I would have been inventing Ways to swallow up the soul And writing plays with happy endings When I am old and grey Many years from now, boy Will you still love to play With all my friends and all their toys I know your name and I know your address The number of your extension I've got a picture of you in a dress Looking after my pension Young boy in a sailor suit Two stripes, medal and star More stripes coming in high-heeled boots Caught it on the camera Old man in the red-haired wig Tank top, stocking, and pink rah-rah Legs are skinny and feet are big Oh, one hundred years ago I think I would have been inventing Ways to swallow up the soul And writing plays with happy endings